I considered doing a “Currently” post or something similar, but thought against it because… reasons. Then I asked myself why I’m back here at all randomly on a Wednesday. I haven’t picked up a camera in weeks, so I don’t even have any photos to share on a hastily little-thought out post. Why am I here? The eternal question. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all existential. I don’t have the energy for it. I have been reading a lot of Self-Help books, however. Aren’t they supposed to… oh, I don’t know, make you feel better about things in general? Here’s some motivation and guidance, now go take on the world and yada yada yada. Lately they just make me feel kind of shitty and heartfelt rom-coms just… make me sigh.
Realism here. Most days I don’t feel like I can take on the world. Some days I’m uncertain if I can even take on getting out of bed or being a parent or a friend or hell, I’m not sure I could even take on being a house cat and their lives aren’t exactly challenging, you know?
Maybe it’s winter… maybe it’s chemical… maybe it’s the stars. I just figured I’d have shit figured out by the time I was 35 and not as though I’m floundering in the deep end of the pool waiting for a life preserver that simply isn’t there.
It’s days like this that I dream of the mountains.
You know those exercises where you go to a happy place in your mind? You imagine someplace that brings you peace and grounds you. Mine used to be a field of sunflowers (sometimes it still is) but when I’m contemplating the big stuff, I go to where I feel safe and secure… up near the tree-line. I picture all of my favorite places in the mountains that we went to when I was younger. I hear a pounding waterfall and rushing creek and feel the icy cold spray that makes your skin ache. I run to the edge of a mountain and feel the pull of the earth as it warns me not to get too close. I feel the wind wrap itself around me and can just hear the sound of marmots and other small critters scrambling over rocky crags. I close my eyes and sit in quiet solitude and feel at peace.
You’re not alone in your floundering, friend. <3 I hope you find your path!