Day Two… Let the madness set in

I feel like I’m writing a captain’s log.  I have nothing to report, and yet I feel it’s my duty to try and write daily as I have been instructed.  Things could get weird and even more random… just thought you should know.  But hey!  Random cat photos because it feels weird to do a post without pictures.

This morning we woke to cat poop in the entryway and pee in several random spots on the carpet.  We think its Ziggy.  I have a feeling it’s time to get her in to the vet… again, though I’m not sure if there’s anything actually wrong with her aside from old age and possibly some dementia.  The poor old gal wanders the house in the wee hours of the morning yowling and though she has a decent appetite, she’s definitely thinner than she used to be.  We already have one geriatric cat with diabetes… so I really hope we’re not looking at another potentially expensive kitty illness.  Despite the fact that she’s moving slower these days and might have other issues, her eyes are bright and she still has a big rumbling purr.

Between the cats and kids and other stressors, I suppose it really is no surprise that I’ve been feeling mentally worn out.

Gross… I think I need to get my wedding ring cleaned.  Also, my contact is bothering me so hopefully I have solution so I can go and try and clean it off or something.

I think I might have too many distractions and also trouble prioritizing my life.  Maybe I should start scheduling my life in 15 minute increments.  Maybe I’d get more done.   I also need motivation. It comes and goes in spurts.  That sounds dirty.  Truly, though… one minute I’m ready to bust ass doing all the things, and the next I don’t even have motivation to make food.

Apparently the point of these exercises to establish what motivates me to get out of bed in the morning.  I can’t say I’ve thought about it much, but right now my main motivation to get out of bed is cats and kids because they all want feeding and sometimes the idea of a warm cup of coffee and a book on the weekend.  That doesn’t exactly seem like much… I’d better think more on this.

The one where I ramble because I was instructed to…

Well, here we are.  I’m currently working my way through a book that can only be described as a self-help book for creativity and low and behold this week I’m supposed to start a blog.  Well, been there, done that, but let’s see where this daily writing task takes me.  Does anyone even read this thing anymore?  I’d be surprised considering I left it to flounder.

There just came a point where I wasn’t even sure why I was blogging.  Granted, around the same time I just seemed to lose interest in a lot of things and my cameras grew dusty because there was no real reason to pick them up – I didn’t exactly need photos for blog posts, now did I?

I haven’t been completely without hobbies, but I have felt like something has been missing lately.  One of the biggest issues always being never enough time.  Not enough time for friends, not enough time for my kids, not enough time for me… and so, I think I just stopped trying to do much of anything at all because it felt like there simply wasn’t a point to any of it.  Also, why does everything always have to happen at the same time?  Classes I want to take?  Not a day or time that works in our schedule.  Hang out with friends?  Oh wait… nope, you have other stuff going on that day.  Feeling good about finances?  Here are some car and vet bills you don’t have money for!

I generally try to be a positive person, but apparently the past few months I’ve been fooling myself and have been attracting a lot of bad luck.  I won’t say it’s all been bad, because there have been some good moments, but at the same time, it’s been rough.  If there was ever a time where I wish I had a do-over button, it’s now.  But then, where would I go back to?  When did the trouble start?  I suppose that’s why the universe hasn’t granted humanity that option. We’d probably screw that up too.

Okay, let’s nip this random brain vomit in the bud before it gets out of control. Day one complete.


Is this a return to blogging?  Not sure yet.  Either way… it’s something.

Currently :

Reading… The Dog Stars, The Arthurian Saga (on Book #3)

Watching (on TV)… The Second Season of a Handmaid’s Tale, The Curse of Oak Island

Playing… Don’t Starve, Stardew Valley, The Forest and as of tonight, Detroit : Become Human!!

Listening to… A variety of tunes, can’t seem to make up my mind what I want to hear, so I listen to everything on Spotify.

Drinking… Too much coffee, Sparkling water, Dark beers, Sweet wines

Eating… A few too many snacks of late.  Gotta switch it up!  Craving lots of grilled veggies and stuff, though!

Planning… Some fun crafts/cosplays, creating an outside living space on our deck

Wearing… Summer clothes!! I think we skipped spring entirely…

Enthusiastically… Picking up my camera again here and there, getting outside, finding myself in things that I love (dancing, baking, reading, creating, and so many other things).

Trying… To create better habits and routines.  I’ll get there.

Looking forward to… Summer activities like camping, pub crawls, picnics, yard work, Ren Fest, hikes, fairs, the works.

Enjoying… My weekly pole classes.  I need to push myself to be better about practicing during the week at home, though.  It’s my favorite time to just be myself and get away from everything. I’ve always enjoyed dance.

Disliking… The Freaking Frustrating Formidable Fours.  Who knew my little lady would develop such sass and attitude over the past couple of months?  I’m hoping a switch flips when she hits five.  Oy vey.

Feeling… “… stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

Extra-Life in May

Jumping in briefly to share a link to our Extra Life fundraiser we’re doing on May 5th.  I’ve been doing a lot of gaming lately and we will be doing a 24 hour gameathon to try and raise money and awareness for Childrens’ Miracle Network Hospitals.

It’s a good cause and lot of fun, so if you want to donate, you can do so here:

If you want to hang out with me at any time on Twitch on May 5th – I’ll be playing a handful of different fun games and would love the company!

Think of a place…

I considered doing a “Currently” post or something similar, but thought against it because… reasons.  Then I asked myself why I’m back here at all randomly on a Wednesday.  I haven’t picked up a camera in weeks, so I don’t even have any photos to share on a hastily little-thought out post.  Why am I here?  The eternal question.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all existential.  I don’t have the energy for it.  I have been reading a lot of Self-Help books, however. Aren’t they supposed to… oh, I don’t know, make you feel better about things in general?  Here’s some motivation and guidance, now go take on the world and yada yada yada.  Lately they just make me feel kind of shitty and heartfelt rom-coms just… make me sigh.

Realism here.  Most days I don’t feel like I can take on the world. Some days I’m uncertain if I can even take on getting out of bed or being a parent or a friend or hell, I’m not sure I could even take on being a house cat and their lives aren’t exactly challenging, you know?

Maybe it’s winter… maybe it’s chemical… maybe it’s the stars.  I just figured I’d have shit figured out by the time I was 35 and not as though I’m floundering in the deep end of the pool waiting for a life preserver that simply isn’t there.

It’s days like this that I dream of the mountains.

You know those exercises where you go to a happy place in your mind? You imagine someplace that brings you peace and grounds you.  Mine used to be a field of sunflowers (sometimes it still is) but when I’m contemplating the big stuff, I go to where I feel safe and secure… up near the tree-line.  I picture all of my favorite places in the mountains that we went to when I was younger. I hear a pounding waterfall and rushing creek and feel the icy cold spray that makes your skin ache.  I run to the edge of a mountain and feel the pull of the earth as it warns me not to get too close.  I feel the wind wrap itself around me and can just hear the sound of marmots and other small critters scrambling over rocky crags. I close my eyes and sit in quiet solitude and feel at peace.