Currently… October

Reading… The
Shining… only during the day, of course

Watching (on TV)… Stranger
Things (again)

Playing… Spooooky
games for Twitch and Vampyr when I can

Listening to… Moody
mixes and songs to dance to

Drinking… Warm
drinks and hard cider

Eating… Birthday
cake

Planning… Parties,
Vacations, Solo Getaways, you name it

Creating… A
Demogorgon, obviously

Practicing… Pole
and flexibility

Trying… To spread
my wings and not fall

Looking forward to…
next year

Enjoying… No
humidity and fewer allergies!

Feeling… All the feelings.  I’m a roller coaster of emotions!!

Demogorgon teeth… just about 100 more to go. 

Minnesota Nice…

In the past 10 years that we’ve lived in Minnesota, I have struggled to make friends.  The majority are all through my husband and time and time again I’ve heard how hard it can be to make friends in this state when you’re an outsider.  It’s all true.  This little saying?  “Minnesotans will give you directions anywhere except their own house.”  It’s totally true, and disheartening. I learned semi-quickly that when a Minnesotan says, “We should get together!” or etc. they don’t always actually mean that. Quite often they’re just saying it…. Surprise! While I might have an easier time if I wasn’t a full-time working mom, I struggled when we originally moved here and then became distracted with other things. Then things settled down, the kids got older and once again I knew I needed to make my own friends that weren’t all inherited from my significant other.

However… judging from various articles, Reddit threads, you name it… it seems like it will not get easier anytime soon and that I should expect it to take years before I can expect to be welcomed into a pre-existing group.  Seriously?  Really?  Even though we got along great and have lots in common??   I’m beginning to think moving back west sooner rather than later is a more attractive idea.  I don’t think I can handle the extra added stress of basically trying to ace an interview every interaction in the hopes I’ll be accepted into a group. Of course friendships take time, I just didn’t realize it would take years to get out of the “acquaintance” category.  I’m probably better off trying to find other people who are not from here either. Or, I guess there is always the option of moving to a friendlier, more open city, which is definitely something I’ve been thinking of lately.  I used to be worried about the kids adjusting, but I’m sure they’d be okay and maybe an adventure in the next few years is just what we need.

All this to say… don’t be so hard on outsiders.  You know, some are pretty nice and worth getting to know. Who knows, you could even end up with a lifelong friend.

Not all Minnesotans are this way, of course. I have met Minnesotans who are not just friends with a small clique that they probably grew up with, or if they are still friends with that same group, they still manage to open their arms to someone new and allow them to leave the ranks of semi-acquaintance fairly quickly.  These people are rare and fantastic finds.

Day 3 … Gaming and social commentary

There are always a few topics I try and avoid, but why do I do that?  This is my space, so I get to choose what I want to talk about.

I’ve been playing the Detroit Become Human.  It’s good… really good.  Not only is it graphically beautiful, but it just so happens to also be very thought provoking and hits home quite a bit with what has been happening in the good ole U.S. of A. lately.  Some people are criticizing the game saying it’s too political, but the game only recently came out and it takes years for these kinds of games to be made.  Plus, even if certain events weren’t occurring right now, we could just say the game is reflective of history and man’s inability to be accepting, and ultimately man’s fear, I think.

There’s also the fact that so often we criticize in others what we dislike about ourselves.  Which in some ways is hopeful.  Granted, I hate reminding myself of that because then it means I have to look at myself and check myself to make sure I’m not doing the same.  This isn’t about me or my faults today, though. Ha!  Instead, I view it is a positive thing that so many people are criticizing this game for being too political, it means that on some level they recognize that maybe they could be wrong.  I’ll just get down to it. Last night in the game, an adult android and a child android who were very much like mother/daughter were torn apart and put in concentration camps.  This has happened many times throughout history and it just so happens it has been occurring again.  I get that there are laws and that that everyone has very strong opinions right now about what is happening, but above all, I encourage everyone to try and find some empathy for your fellow man regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation… none of that matters.  We are all human and have emotions and feelings and should be cognizant of that.

I’m certainly not perfect by any means, but I’ve been really trying to put myself in everyone’s shoes before I make a judgment.  Sure, I may end up still not changing my mind about how I feel about someone and may be unable to find much empathy for someone, but I do try to imagine myself in the same situation and think about what I would do.  While there are still times that my mind isn’t much changed, there are plenty of times when I have to admit that maybe I’ve been wrong and haven’t really put myself in their shoes and… Okay, I get it now.

I posted this on my Facebook wall the other day after seeing someone else post it, and I think it’s worth sharing here as well…

“In my work with the defendants (at the Nuremberg Trails 1945-1949) I was searching for the nature of evil and I now think I have come close to defining it. A lack of empathy. It’s the one characteristic that connects all the defendants, a genuine incapacity to feel with their fellow men. Evil, I think, is the absence of empathy.”

Quotation: Captain G. M. Gilbert, the Army psychologist assigned to watching the defendants at the Nuremberg trials.

Day Two… Let the madness set in

I feel like I’m writing a captain’s log.  I have nothing to report, and yet I feel it’s my duty to try and write daily as I have been instructed.  Things could get weird and even more random… just thought you should know.  But hey!  Random cat photos because it feels weird to do a post without pictures.

This morning we woke to cat poop in the entryway and pee in several random spots on the carpet.  We think its Ziggy.  I have a feeling it’s time to get her in to the vet… again, though I’m not sure if there’s anything actually wrong with her aside from old age and possibly some dementia.  The poor old gal wanders the house in the wee hours of the morning yowling and though she has a decent appetite, she’s definitely thinner than she used to be.  We already have one geriatric cat with diabetes… so I really hope we’re not looking at another potentially expensive kitty illness.  Despite the fact that she’s moving slower these days and might have other issues, her eyes are bright and she still has a big rumbling purr.

Between the cats and kids and other stressors, I suppose it really is no surprise that I’ve been feeling mentally worn out.

Gross… I think I need to get my wedding ring cleaned.  Also, my contact is bothering me so hopefully I have solution so I can go and try and clean it off or something.

I think I might have too many distractions and also trouble prioritizing my life.  Maybe I should start scheduling my life in 15 minute increments.  Maybe I’d get more done.   I also need motivation. It comes and goes in spurts.  That sounds dirty.  Truly, though… one minute I’m ready to bust ass doing all the things, and the next I don’t even have motivation to make food.

Apparently the point of these exercises to establish what motivates me to get out of bed in the morning.  I can’t say I’ve thought about it much, but right now my main motivation to get out of bed is cats and kids because they all want feeding and sometimes the idea of a warm cup of coffee and a book on the weekend.  That doesn’t exactly seem like much… I’d better think more on this.

The one where I ramble because I was instructed to…

Well, here we are.  I’m currently working my way through a book that can only be described as a self-help book for creativity and low and behold this week I’m supposed to start a blog.  Well, been there, done that, but let’s see where this daily writing task takes me.  Does anyone even read this thing anymore?  I’d be surprised considering I left it to flounder.

There just came a point where I wasn’t even sure why I was blogging.  Granted, around the same time I just seemed to lose interest in a lot of things and my cameras grew dusty because there was no real reason to pick them up – I didn’t exactly need photos for blog posts, now did I?

I haven’t been completely without hobbies, but I have felt like something has been missing lately.  One of the biggest issues always being never enough time.  Not enough time for friends, not enough time for my kids, not enough time for me… and so, I think I just stopped trying to do much of anything at all because it felt like there simply wasn’t a point to any of it.  Also, why does everything always have to happen at the same time?  Classes I want to take?  Not a day or time that works in our schedule.  Hang out with friends?  Oh wait… nope, you have other stuff going on that day.  Feeling good about finances?  Here are some car and vet bills you don’t have money for!

I generally try to be a positive person, but apparently the past few months I’ve been fooling myself and have been attracting a lot of bad luck.  I won’t say it’s all been bad, because there have been some good moments, but at the same time, it’s been rough.  If there was ever a time where I wish I had a do-over button, it’s now.  But then, where would I go back to?  When did the trouble start?  I suppose that’s why the universe hasn’t granted humanity that option. We’d probably screw that up too.

Okay, let’s nip this random brain vomit in the bud before it gets out of control. Day one complete.