I was supposed to get a lot done this week, but that didn’t happen. Phoebe and Josh had a stomach bug, so our week was thrown out of whack a bit and never really turned around. On the bright side, our original forecast for today was almost a foot of snow, but I am pleased to report that we received none whatsoever. Unfortunately, our warmer temperatures have ceased, though. It’s been hard explaining to the kids why we could wear short sleeves and then suddenly it’s freezing again. You can see the looks of indignation on their faces and that really says what we all feel.
See that look, Mother Nature? Enzo is displeased by the thought of snow in our future. Also notice Phoebe happily skipping about in the background, absolutely clueless. She was actually more unhappy about the cold weather this morning and made me go back inside to grab her blanket for the car ride.
I’ve promised the kids that I would take them to an indoor playground tomorrow. There are a couple that aren’t too far away, so I’m picking the one that looks like it has more space for them to run around like wild animals as opposed to the one that looks better for more crafty/imaginative play, which we can do easily enough at home.
Phoebe is excited to wear shoes that aren’t snow boots. She was ecstatic to show everyone her cute shoes that she was able to wear during our warm streak. Also ignore our mess of an entry way. I’m looking forward to summer if only so we won’t have gloves, boots, hats, and a million different jackets and hoodies scattered everywhere.
Okay, lets end this rambling session here and now. Have a productive and fun weekend! Or procrastinate like I enjoy doing and simply let dishes stack up and read a good book instead!
We’ve had some incredibly warm days and while I know we also have some more wintry temperatures on the way, I am ecstatic that we are going to be in the 50s this weekend! I have a feeling the kids will be just as excited to be outdoors and with that in mind, I suppose we’ll say our farewells to snow as it is unlikely to be memorable from here on out. We meant to get out in the snow more often this year, but it either iced over, got too cold, or we were busy doing other things, or there really wasn’t all that much of it. It was a very mild winter overall…
I swear we only pulled out the snowblower a handful of times, and by we, I obviously mean Josh because feminism be damned – that’s men’s work as far as I’m concerned. Ha!
I’m looking forward to when the kids actually have more fun in the snow. Right now I think they only have a so-so amount of fun because gloves never fit right because for some reason no one has figured out how to make snow gloves/mittens that truly fit tiny hands without pissing off the wearer to the point where they just want to go back inside.
I think we were maybe outside for like 10-15 minutes this day before the kids were over it and ready to go back in the house. So we spent as much time outside as it takes to get them in their snow gear. Not really worth it in my opinion.
I’m really just more of a summer person… there’s no doubt about it. Perhaps we’ll actually do more fun outside things next winter, but I think we’re all just looking forward to warmer temps sticking around. Even the cats have been thrilled about the warmer weather and I can’t wait until that first day we can really open up the windows and air out the house and do some deep cleaning. Okay, so I could really care less about the cleaning, but fresh air sounds amazing.
Okay, enough weather talk. In all honesty I feel like I’m just drawing a blank and don’t have much to say lately. I’ve got a lot on my mind, but for some reason still feel like I’m dragging my feet and avoiding everything and I’m not sure why. How, oh how to get myself out of this… not really a funk per se, but general blasé attitude about everything. I’m really hoping sunshine will help.
Enzo is officially registered for Kindergarten. I have very mixed feelings on this matter, which is weird to me because I never felt like I would be “that” mom. Both kids have been in day care since they were 6 weeks old, and the transition to preschool was never a big deal because we still dropped them off at the same place every day. Maybe that’s why the thought of him going to Kindergarten makes me feel like my heart is suddenly in a vise. It should be exciting, I know, but I worry about my boy and this big step into the unknown.
I’ve always had some anxiety along with my depression, but postpartum depression and anxiety were worse because suddenly there were these tiny little creatures I had helped create and was supposed to take care of and all of these ridiculous thoughts and emotions going through my brain all. the. time. Long story short, it’s better now, but the anxiety is more bothersome to me now because I’m not worried about myself, instead I’m thinking of every worst case scenario that involves my children and there are times when it’s hard to breathe and I have to hold back tears because I am so fearful for them.
Overcoming my fears of the unknown and inability to protect them from everything is a work in progress. Out of the past my own fears, traumas, failures and hurts will suddenly appear and I’m reminded of those things I would do anything to protect my own children from. But I can’t. I know this, and yet it doesn’t make it any easier.
I know that I cannot live in fear because that isn’t living. My life would be vastly different had I lived in a protective bubble and yet I survived it all and perhaps am better for it. I think it’s really been within the past 6 months that I’ve started taking more chances and have tried to do things that challenge my fears and have overall tried to have more trust and faith that everything works out the way it should… and really, it does. For the longest time we didn’t want to switch the kids day care because that’s what they’d (we’d) known since they were tiny babies. The idea of changing and leaving their friends was just not something I wanted to deal with until we were left with no choice. The result? The kids are doing great in their new environment and we should have probably made the switch sooner. They don’t have any close friends, yet, but those will come.
As we get ready for our highly sensitive boy to enter Kindergarten I have to remind myself to breathe and trust that he’ll be fine. We just need to give him the proper tools and that means he needs to see me handle fear and change and adversity with strength and optimism. More than anything I want my kids to grow up to be strong and confident and caring. So, when he steps on that school bus for the first time all by himself, I will put a smile on my face and cheer him on as he embarks on his own new adventure and I will trust that he’ll be okay.
Well, another year in the books with lots of ups and downs and ins and outs that are typical of most years. Rather than bore you with a long written post of reflection about all of the eye-opening things I’ve learned about myself and the resolutions I want to make, I’m going to do my standard year in review in pictures because I’m a visual person and enjoy looking back over the year.
I sometimes feel obligated to keep up this blog. It’s not as though I’m paid to keep this blog so I can quit at any time I feel like it, but then again, it is an easy way to keep a journal of the things I want to remember and it’s also been a great way to meet new people. Perhaps it’s just the time of year getting the best of me. I’m not depressed, but I feel restless in a way. Unsure of what I want to do with myself because there are too many things I want to do and simply not enough time. Then again, is there every truly enough time? I wonder if I would still feel there wasn’t enough time if I did somehow manage to get more. Most likely, yes. I’m at a point where a big part of me wants to take a step back and lay out the pieces of my life before me and take a tip from Marie Kondo, hold it up and ask if it truly brings me joy. Granted, what to do if I find too many things bring me joy? Ha! I suppose I shall then find a way to make time for it all. There’s always time for the things we really love, right? We just have to learn to make time and more importantly not waste the time we do have. I am absolutely guilty of wasting time, sometimes because I’m exhausted, but other times for no good reason at all.
So, that is what I shall do. I am going to remove all self-imposed obligations for the month of December and rediscover my joys and my “Why.” If it doesn’t bring me joy, it’s gone. If it does bring me joy then I’m going to make it a higher priority. Granted, I can’t exactly just stop doing the day to day things that don’t bring me joy, but I’m going to find ways to make it so they don’t take up as much time. I think decluttering and rearranging is a good place to start. So, if I’m gone for a while, you’ll know why, but I might stop in if I feel like it… and only if I really feel like it.