A New Year

A new year has arrived and considering my absence of late, I’m not sure how much longer I intend to keep up this blog.  The kids are getting older, and I feel like I should probably give them more privacy, and in all honesty my interest in keeping things up has waned a bit.  I go back and forth between how much I want to share on here, and when I feel as though I have to omit things, it just feels false.  I haven’t even really picked up a camera lately and in general, I once again find myself in that place of uncertainty.

2017 was much like any other year with highs and lows and so much in between.  There was growth, boundaries were tested and pushed, I found passion in a new hobby and started to find myself again. There is only so long you can push who you are further and further down beneath the surface before that part of you demands to rise up for air – much the same as when you push thoughts or emotions away and at some point you must meet them and hopefully are prepared.

Time will tell.

I can’t say for certain what 2018 will bring, but it is my hope that it is a year that I will look back on with joy and fondness, which means I’d better figure my shit out and make it that way.  I know many people choose a word for their year, and generally I don’t because… well, I just don’t. If I were to choose a word for 2018, though, I would go with BRAVE because I want to live bravely this year. I want to take more risks and continue to grow.

It’s actually funny, but the last time I had such an emotional breakthrough was 10 years ago and boy was that a hell of a year (admitted myself into in-patient treatment and then met Josh a month later).  So… maybe 2018 is going to be the year, after all.

Random Facts About Me…

Because… why not?  Maybe it’s slightly cheating, but I’m still writing, right?

Random Things about Me

  • I will never own an electric knife because of the movie Maximum Overdrive. You know the one, right? Fairly cheesy where all the machines (electric and gas operated) turn on everyone?  Well, for some reason the electric knife scene has stayed with me…
  • I have a serious case of cute aggression. I want to squeeze the fluff out of all of the adorable cute, cuddly soft things!!!
  • Water is not my favorite thing to drink and I’m really particular about the taste. I can’t drink water if it’s a day old or has been sitting out (hello, dust) and not all bottled water is considered equal. The only bottled water I like is Fiji (I mostly drink tap water, but prefer it to be filtered and ice cold). Dasani is one of my least favorite bottled waters.  I’m a water diva, what can I say?
  • I have been dyeing my hair since I was 12/13ish… I think the longest stretch I’ve gone without coloring it was when I was pregnant. It all began when my mom wouldn’t let me color my hair, so I grabbed all the red Kool-Aid in the house, mixed it with water in a big bowl and stuck my head in the bowl for half an hour.  She wasn’t happy when I walked out of my room with my new locks.
  • I want a small hobby farm one day with bees, rabbits and chickens/ducks and maybe a goat or two.
  • I have a major fear of any kind of apocalypse or major disaster actually happening. The idea of a major World War freaks me out and I rarely watch doomsday movies (unless they are super cheesy) because they give me extreme anxiety and suddenly I find myself on Survivalist websites and planning a bunker and making lists of what we need and where we should live should a zombie apocalypse occur.
  • I have a hard time saying “No.” Of course I want to round up for that charity and every charity. Of course I want a pound of coffee so I can get a free coffee because that totally make sense.  Yes, sell me lipstick. Of course I want to buy perfume out of the trunk of your car because that seems totally legit (it did actually smell like the designer stuff too!!).  Yes, random kid who can smell a sucker a mile away, I will absolutely buy a gallon of the cleaner you’re selling just so you’ll leave.
  • I’m an INFJ.
  • My ideal afternoon would be spent lounging under a massive tree in the most perfect of prairies, reading a book. When I’m driving, I always notice trees and one day I am going to have a house on acreage with gently rolling hills and amazing trees for picnics and lazy afternoon reading/day dreaming sessions.

August Blogging Challenge – Day 1

I was inspired by another blogger to take on a challenge for August. For better or for worse, I’m going to blog every single day.  Okay, maybe not weekends… we’ll see.  Regardless, that’s still a lot of days, and more than I typically do, so a challenge it is.  Why do this, considering not many people even read this blog?  It’s more for myself.  Maybe I’m hoping that by forcing myself to do something even when I feel like I have nothing to say it will maybe give me some kind of motivation to tackle some other things.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I need to re-evaluate a lot of things and really look at my priorities and where they are right now vs. what they should be/need to be.  At the moment I only have so much time in a day and I’m often torn during the hours that are considered “free” on how to best spend that time.  I think that is the hardest part of parenting, to be honest. There are many times when I really, really want to just sit down with a book, but I’m being pulled in different directions to do other things that, let’s just be honest, aren’t necessarily what I want to do, but my kids do.  One day I’m going to make certain I have more time with my kids so that in turn I have more time for myself as well.  One day, I will be able to drive my kids to school and pick them up in the afternoon and spend the majority of the summer with them rather than them being in day care. One day I’m going to do something that makes me feel fulfilled and proud.

Photo Dump – Tea Parties, Dragons and More!

I have so many random photos from the past few weeks/months, so it feels like the perfect time to do another photo dump and figure out just where all my time has been going and because I wanted to save the pictures for reasons, but then they somehow never made it into a blog post, so here we go!

Can’t say that a book makes a very good pillow, but you know…

Not gonna lie, we’ve had a LOT of ice cream so far this summer.

Finally Josh joined us at the zoo!  Haha!

Playground break during carnival fun!

Phoebe had a picnic for her stuffed animals, and I included their names so no one is confused as to who is who.

Can’t have too many Bowser pictures, right?  He’s slowly growing!

The first and last time he held Bowser.  They get a little freaked out by his tiny claws.

Feed me, Hooman!

Best kitty ever.

Sleepy boy.

Before our pancakes were cooked.

Love when they bring me home colorful art!

He really is the best cat…

This one, however, is very naughty. 😉

The other reason for this photo dump is because I’ve just been really busy and distracted by other things.  Time to settle down and create a schedule for myself again, methinks!

Through Their Eyes

Children are always watching and listening, which can be both good and bad. Definitely bad if by chance you happen to whack your head really hard and accidentally let slip something you don’t want them to repeat and they, of course, repeat it.  Granted, they have pretty selective hearing, but I digress.  There are days when they surprise me by just how much they really pay attention to what’s around them and see things rather than just looking.  Some days it’s a very good reminder to myself to slow down and SEE because there’s a difference.  Unfortunately I haven’t been very good about it lately, either.  Perhaps our upcoming trip will be a good opportunity to change that.  I’ve also been having fun trying to help the kids learn how to use a camera.  Their hands are so little they sometimes have a hard time, though.  Haha!  Time for more practice!  In the meantime, I haven’t done a post with pictures by Enzo, though I do have a lot more to scan.

We all have our favorite seats on the couch.  This is the view from his.

Hey Dad (and messy kitchen/dinning area).  I kind of wish that wall was an actual wall rather than a banister so you don’t have to view the backside of everything and cords and whatnot.

Some day all too soon this bag is going to be filled with actual schoolwork rather than just fun little projects from preschool.  I admit that sometimes I worry about him going to Kindergarten this fall…. will it be too soon?  Is he ready?  Do all parents stress this much over these kinds of things or do I just have extreme anxiety when it comes to this sort of thing?  All the more reason to spend more time teaching myself to breath and let the worry go.  I’ve been too “busy” or too “tired” or too “insert excuse here” lately, and self care isn’t something you should put off or ignore.