Much like this post, we are random sort of people. It’s good that the kids fit in so well, although I imagine when they’re older they will look at us with confusion, but also that look that teenagers give their parents when their parents are being… parents. They’ll roll their eyes and give us pitying looks, their poor ridiculous parents. And then I’ll have to remind them that once they thought we were pretty cool.
I know, I know, this post has zero direction to it, much like our lives at times. We have plans for the future, but in all honesty they’re a bit foggy. We sometimes plan for the weekend, but more often than not, we just wait and see. There is a lot of waiting and seeing. I like to think we’re living in the moment, but I’m not sure that’s exactly what it is.
Perhaps I should finally finish reading that books I picked up so long ago… Face the Fear and Do It Anyway. Uncertainty scares me and rather than actually living in the moment, I kind of put a bubble around myself. Rather than seeing endless possibilities as a great thing, I see it as a frightening prospect, even if I’m not entirely happy with how things are at the moment, in which case I should change things, but change can be unnerving. It’s a really silly thing.
I think what I need to do is set realistic goals and not subconsciously sabotage them, which I’m really good at doing. I couldn’t figure out why suddenly I was having trouble sticking to a budget, and ultimately, I’ve figured it out. If we save and meet our goals then there will be no excuse but to jump into the unknown, however, if the money isn’t there and other things don’t work out then nothing will change, which isn’t better, but it’s comfortable because I know it and exactly what to expect.
So, no more excuses. Time to actually set some dates on some goals and put forth real effort to make them happen. Every time I see Enzo struggle with change, I am reminded of how hard I struggle with change, and I want to learn how to roll with it and show him how to do the same. I have to be a strong role model in these kids’ lives, which means I need to step out of my comfort zone and become a stronger person.